Confessions of a Control Freak

by Erika Townsend

Throughout my life, I have heard people refer to me as a spoiled diva. I want what I want, when I want it. I work for what I want: I set goals and work hard to achieve them. But when a glitch throws my plans by the wayside, I tend to overreact. Before I learned to let go, my issues with control affected every aspect of my life, including my romantic relationship. I’m sure I’m not the only control freak out there. If this article caught your eye, you may want to consider your own issues of control before they begin controlling your relationships as well. You may be a control freak if you:

1. Lose your temper if things do not go as planned.
2. Put your mate on punishment if he or she does not follow your directions.
3. Think of your needs before the needs of others.
4. Assign curfews for your significant other.
5. Check your partner’s phone and text records.
6. Constantly monitor your lover’s Facebook or Twitter account.
7. Never allow things to happen spontaneously
8. Continuously bring up issues from the past to use to your advantage in a fight.
9. Dress you partner and restrict them from going places based on your approval.
10. Listen in on private conversations that your partner may be having.

Don’t feel bad if you identify with few of these behaviors. Like many of you, I had been in denial for years. I always had justifications for my controlling behavior: I thought my partner was cheating (sometimes he was). I thought he was inconsiderate, and so on. Although my concerns may have been valid, they were not justification for my controlling behavior.

While I was trying to control everything, the one thing that I wasn’t in control of was my own insecurity. I had created my own reality and behaved in the manner mentioned above to safeguard what I believed to be a good relationship. I was oblivious to the fact that I was doing more harm than good to myself and to the relationship. While creating the illusion that I was in control, I was allowing another’s behavior to dictate my own.

By responding to your mate’s actions, you are the one who is actually being controlled. Like children from over restrictive homes, your mate will rebel just because he can. True love does not seek to control. At the end of the day, it is more comforting to know your mate did something because he or she wanted to and not because you coerced them to. You may win a few battles, but the war will rage on until you break free from self-imposed chains. If you let love unfold naturally, peace will last much longer.