The following letter was written by a teen who is incarcerated at the Bon Air Correctional Facility. The young lady attended a “Relationship Smarts” program conducted by the nonprofit First Things First of Greater Richmond. The letter is to her own hypothetical daughter, pilule telling her all of the things she learned in the class and how not to make the same mistakes.
December, cialis 2013
Dear hypothetical adolescent, ampoule
I have watched you grow over the years and feel the time has come to share with you certain admonitions I would have been wiser to follow. To be frank, I do not want to see you suffer through detrimental relationships time and time again as I did at your age. So young one, hear me out and perhaps learn something which may benefit you over the course of the rest of your life.
Regarding relationships sexual and non sexual, it is best to form a strong foundation before making any big decisions related to another person. As you’ve surely heard since childhood, don’t judge a book by its cover. When you first catch sight of someone, there is no telling who they are or what they have been through. They may have been a valedictorian or convicted of arson. How can you know just by their appearance? Making certain assumptions based on nothing but a first impression may lead to a very negative relationship due to prolonged, inaccurate beliefs about a person.
During that initial meeting you are just getting to know someone.
Following first contact your relationships will or will not grow; you may get to know the person more, rely on them, trust and even commit to them. Now, after each of these steps has been accomplished and built upon (though the one I am about to mention may be experienced as well in a healthy way), coming together on a more physical level may be considered. Before you’ve really gotten to know, trust, rely on and committed to a person it’s not in your best interest to become sexually involved with them.
Sex, for such a small word is loaded. You need to be aware of options for safe sex and contraception, your boundaries and expectations along with your partners- as well as their sexual activity history. STD’s are scary and very real. Every sexually active person is taking a risk and making them susceptible, especially if they don’t handle the subject with care.
Abuse may also begin to grow with pressures related to relationships and sex. If your partner has been deceptive or manipulative around you, you’ve seen some major red flags. Preposterous and hypocritical expectations can manifest in verbal and psychological abuse, sexual abuse as well. Also, the first time your partner lays a hand on you in any way besides affection, it’s time to have a serious talk or RUN.
Communication is the key and may be accomplished with effective skills in this respect. From the beginning, a healthy relationship should allow for a comfortable exchange of thoughts and feelings. You should be able to work things out verbally before they escalate to a physical level, whether it is a fight or fornication. Communication allows for you to not only get to know a person’s likes and dislikes but boundaries and opinions. Poor communication can easily lead to fights which may erupt based on one thing and continue to evolve from another completely irrelevant instance drawn in to be used with intent to hurt each other. Especially in a romantic relationship with future plans, this is unhealthy. Speaking from personal experience, it is best to surround yourself with people able to thoroughly express themselves verbally and with non verbal language.
The last point I intend to make to you is that there is nothing wrong with good old fashioned independence. You do not need to rely on anyone else for love or support. Being able to first love yourself matters most. You are too strong to depend on anyone else for validation. Remember that! When you are feeling down, just write out all of the things that characterize you. You wear your personality like a garment and we all see them as vibrant colors showing through you. You are too wonderful to surround yourself and associate with negative and unhealthy individuals. Please take what I have said and apply it wherever you see fit in the future. Love yourself as much as I love you.